One Slip, Heavy Fall

April born,

her first Christmas envelops her

I want it to be perfect

if I stay quiet, out of his way, he won’t get angry or shout

I cradle baby while he takes our oldest onto the rink

he has never bonded with her

he loves her - but because he thinks he should

I send them off, watching them skate hand

in hand

questions of my fidelity from people who don’t matter

dominate my thoughts,

a thousand times I’ve said ‘lets get the test’

but his bond with her is shattered

I value love and marriage, I believe it’s forever

divorce is no option,

work through it all together,

the good, the bad, the rough, the smooth

that’s what love is all about isn’t it?

Relationships are like that, put up and shut up,

as long as you love, nothing else matters,

he is entitled to moan if dinner is not on time

or I missed a spot with my cleaning, his shirts need washing.

He is helping me improve myself

and be a better housewife,

he doesn’t want me going out

he worries about me so much

he would never hurt me seriously.

I sit thinking how lucky I am, a loving husband

who watches my every move

to take proper care of me,

keeping me at home simply to protect me

from the awful truth of the world

I don’t talk to other men

he says they are only after

one thing,

I happily snap pictures on his mobile phone

the familiar beep makes me jump

Carla,

Someone he works with, overtime again?

I’ll shout the message over to him in case it’s important

I glance down,

a wrong number,

a mistake, I would have known.

Am I really that stupid?

Do I have the awful truth?

Questions make him angry,

I have tried so hard to keep him happy

I don’t like it when he shouts

I get so frightened where it may end

as ice slips under him

my life falls,

melts,

this moment,

freezes.